Bear Grylls Desert Island and I’ll have a pint of that!
Pass the Taro Please
“Hawaii Five-O” it wasn’t, but commuting on the Oahu interstate made me think fondly of home. The best thing about consulting for a TV production crew, if you’re lucky. They love to eat great food, and indulge in a proper pint of good beer. Eating good food is number one with me. I see now that my chance of survival with these Britt’s is looking good.
A funny thing about being an expert… they hire you as one, and then they ignore everything you say.
Some of you may think by now that working as a survival expert is exciting. Well, it is most of the time. For instance, pointing at people, places, and things saying such phrases as, no, no, no, that is really tacky, what could you be thinking of, and “if you insist on eating that poisonous plant, I can guarantee you a slow agonizing death.
Whoa, the Director is in a class all by himself. He will ask wonderful things from you in a polite and professional way only once. Once is all you get.
As we were slurping our beers one night in a swinging hot spot, where young men come from all over the world to drink and vomit in the urinals, we met up with another film crew on their way back home.
I asked the director if he had any words of wisdom for me, he did. He said, “Mark, give the director exactly what he wants, nothing else will do.” “Cheers, and good luck,” he said, and off he went leaving me curiously pondering what this could mean for me?
Some directors inspire you, “I need you to build me a raft, Mark Ole boy, two rafts to be exact.” The Director cheerfully stated looking straight into my eyes. He went on: “The rafts must be built by hand using a dull knife and your teeth if you must. And use all natural materials, completely rigged and outfitted for a cruise.” “A cruise?” I choked.
“This raft must be able to sail into the wind. Oh, and survive a journey of at least 50 miles out to sea. Mark, have this done in one week please. And oh, make them so we can take them apart and put them quickly together again, yes? One more thing, make sure both rafts float!” What could I do?
I remembered the wisdom of the other Director, nodding my head up and down quickly, and planting a big “you betcha can do” on my face. Off I went in search of a how-to book on “Building a Raft in 48 hour…s that floats.”
Bear Grylls and the crew are some of the finest folks I have ever had the pleasure to work with. Professional, considerate, generous, and dedicated to the work in bringing you exciting TV entertainment.